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I decided I would post to my website right after my little sister came up to me for the SECOND time tonight begging me to tie her up with an old shoelace that has been lying around the house forever. The first time I tied her arms together she walked around the house for about an hour trying to undo the knot. She eventually gave up and went to seek help from Austin, who ended up untying her. As I was once again tying her arms to her legs (you would have had to seen it to understand) I looked at the shoelace in wonder. This is the ugliest shoelace you have ever seen, it is like a mixture of all the ugliest colors on the planet, and it is big and thick and nasty. This is the same shoelace that she had been teasing the cat with for the past half hour and the same shoelace that apparently doesn’t belong to ANY SHOE in our house. As far as we are concerned, the shoelace was dropped off by someone. Or perhaps the shoelace was pulled off a visitor by our beastly cat Boots.

Yes, this has been my night. And yes, we did have a conversation trying to decide where the shoelace came from…

As I am writing this, my little sister has done two more things to make me laugh, and I feel I will share these two things with you. As I sat down at the computer she came over to me with a piece of paper, and on the piece of paper she had drawn a line down the middle in pencil. She told me to look at line. I stared for a moment at it, and then passed the piece of paper back to her. She looks me in the eye and annouces that she will make the line disappear. I laugh at the look of glee on her face and she disappears from my view. I turn back to the computer, just in time to hear a familiar sound from behind me at the kitchen table. I do not turn back around, for this will ruin the trick. Then the sound stops. She comes over to me and shows me the piece of paper. The paper, which still contains some eraser bits, doesn’t look that different. The line hasn’t entirely vanished, it is still there, just in a lighter shade of grey. I smile and say, as enthusiastically as i can, “WOW, that’s great Becky!” Her blue eyes of excitement turn into blue eyes of hate as her “Sarcastic” radar goes off, she glares at me, turns around, and storms off.

I still sit at the computer, holding the piece of paper that has just recently had a line erased - I mean DISAPPEARED - from it, when I notice a green box of sorts. I pick up the box, and it literally looks like a two story house inside it. Someone (Becky obviously) had turned it into a little house. I call her over and tell her to let Cory, my new hampster run around in it. She yells something and tells me that: “Poo” lives in the house. I look at her blankly, try to hide my laughter and ask her calmly: “Who lives in the house Becky?” “Poo” she replies. I tell her she is disturbing to me, and she needs to leave right away. She gives me a confused look and tells me she is going to get “Poo”. As she walks away I am starting to think of which therapists are nearby, because OBVIOUSLY she is going to need one soon. I hear her coming down the stairs, at this point I suck in air and prepare to hold my breathe and close my eyes. Her little hand is squeezed shut around something, and I find myself relieved at the fact that whatever “Poo” might be, at least he is solid. I lurch back as she opens her hand. She is holding an eraser. It is in the shape of a little man. I also notice that she has dressed the eraser man, apparently named Poo in a tiny shirt and pants made out of our kitchen napkins. I watch her place Poo into the little green house, she turns to me and says: “Isn’t he cute?” I tell her I have just one question (even though there are tons of questions that one could ask…) : “Why on Earth did you name him Poo?” She laughs and tells me that his name is Poo-T. Poot. Everyone who is reading this, say the name “Poot” outloud, I swear the “t” sound just disapeared when she said it. When I told her what I thought it’s name had been, she gave me the: “Why would you think that?” response. I just looked at her until she again walked away…

Joey is also amusing to me in his own strange way. He is my little brother. At 11:30pm tonight a TV show came on, Joey and Becky were both sitting in the family room watching the TV. From the television you hear things like: “Hey Greg, can you get this for me?” “Sure thing Dharma” “Did you tell Greg that the dishwasher is broke?” “Don’t ask Dharma that hunny, she is busy right now!” The show continues like this for a little while, until finally the theme song kicks on and shows us the name of the show. Joey, ALL OF THE SUDDEN in complete shock yells very loudly: “Oh man! this is Dharma and Greg isn’t it?????” Becky and I turn to each other, then we both look stunned at Joey, who looks at us and says one word: “What?!?”. I allow Becky to take this one. She looks at Joey and says: “Joey, where have you been? Of course the show was Dharma and Greg! Are you deaf?” (Just for the record, this is not what I would have chosen to throw at Joey, I would have chosen the sarcastic response, something along the lines of: “This isn’t Dharma and Greg Joey, it’s just a coinincidence that the main character’s names are Dharma and Greg, and that they look EXACTLY the same as the characters on the other show…”) But all the same, I commend Becky for her efforts, she did well.

That paragraph above was suppose to be the end of this email, except for Joey can’t seem to control his own body, so I feel I must add on one more story. First, some background. Our large TV is broke, it only works when you use the remote, and the remote has to be reprogrammed everytime you switch the batteries. My dad is the only one in the house that can reprogram the TV. Sometimes the batteries fall out of the remote, and if my dad is away, we end up watching channel 4 for about a week until Dad comes home to fix it for us. It is a sad story, but odly humerous at the moment. (The worst was when the batteries were knocked out the back, when it was stuck on the weather channel. We may have been television deprived that week, but we sure as heck knew what the weather was going to be…) Anyway, the TV is working now, and it has been for quite some time. As I write to you now, I can honestly tell you that Joey is in the family room throwing the remote up into the air and catching it in his hands. He has already dropped it TWICE. the first time I told him that he needed to find something else to toss, and he responded with a grunt. The second time it fell he got a mouthfull from Becky and I who were quite furious. I don’t think it is that hard to understand. When the TV is broke, and the remote is WORKING, DO NOT toss the remote into the air and try to catch it before it hits the floor, popping the batteries out. I tell him this. He tells me he will no longer toss the remote. I go back to my typing, Becky has gone up to bed, until I hear a: “SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!” coming from Joey’s direction. I look over to see him “SLAPPING” the remote against his hand!!! Apparently that is a better alternative to throwing it in the air. I let out a huge sigh, deciding to not even ask Joey why smacking the remote was better than tossing it into the air, and turned away from the disturbing image.

This is all I will write for tonight, I feel a cold coming on. Friends beware. This is serious, I have a sore throat, phlegm, and a raging headache, not a good combo. And I just sneezed. Damn.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 10th, 2004 at 12:38 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.