I knew something was amiss when the ninjas walked through the door. It is common knowledge that ninjas do not travel in sunlight, nor do they typically reside in the cities of Down-River. Only under dire circumstances do ninjas fight by the light of day. These ninjas were on a mission. A mission of such extreme importance, that they traveled all the way from Japan to complete it. They filed in through the door and gathered around my desk. They were covered in black from head to foot, except two small holes for their eyes. I counted 14, but there could have been more. Their eyes beamed with fury and their stances showed determination and purpose. Something was going to go down.
A ninja, slightly taller from the rest, stepped forward from the group, I judge he was the head ninja. He, mistaking me for a secretary, said in a broken English, “I neeed to speeak to a Daved Allon.”
I nervously responded, “Can I ask what for?”
I am not one who is accustomed to ways of ninjas. I did not know that they do not take well to questioning of any sort. At my response, the head ninja drew his sword and slashed it down the middle of my monitor. I quickly pushed back my chair away from the desk but the sparks had already burned the skin of my face. In a single bound the ninja leaped on the counter of my desk and had his sword at my throat. By this time the other employees around me had cleared the office.
The head ninja locked his gaze on me, never blinking. He repeated to me again, “I neeed to speeak to a Daved Allon.”
Just as he finished speaking, Dave walked through the door with a mug of coffee in his hand. He looked at the ninjas in cool, collective manner and, after a long sip of coffee, he said:
“Bout time you guys showed up.”
The head ninja, having lost interest in me, stood straight up on my desk, towering above all. He pointed at with sword at Dave and said, “Gives us the jewels or die!!”
Dave took another sip of coffee and mockingly took a moment to think about the question then replied, “How about this? I keep the jewels and you go away before I kill you, just like I killed your father.”
I could hear the head ninja breathing heavily and saw sweat building on the forehead of his mask, ready burst into a violent fury as Dave leaned one shoulder against the wall and continued with his coffee. Dave caught sight of my frightened eyes and then he winked at me. All the fear left me and for some strange reason, I knew just what I had to do.
I grabbed the ankles of the head ninja and his head came crashing down on the desk and his sword clanged to the ground. I snatched the sword and threw it to Dave. Dave caught the sword in with his left hand and threw the hot coffee in the face of one of the other ninjas.
While Dave battled the group of ninjas, I still had to deal with the head ninja. I punched him once in the kidney, but he soon recovered and gave me a kick in the stomach that sent me flying against the wall. The head ninja thought I was finished and turned towards Dave. I gathered my strength and reached into my breast pocket. With all my might I flicked 5 or 6 of my business cards at him, like one would throw ninja stars. The sharp points stuck into his back and blood soon soaked throw his black suit. He screamed and charged straight for me. I side swiped my legs, tripping him and he fell to the ground right beside me.
I had no idea how Dave was doing. From my spot on the ground I couldn’t see anything; I only heard metal clanging against metal and screams of agony. Frankly, I didn’t care, I had to worry about myself. As soon as the head ninja hit the ground next to me, I gave him a quick jab to the face and crawled toward the blanket. After securing the blanket, I turned around and, diving at the master ninja, wrapped the smelly, dirty rag around his face. He kicked and screamed until he finally could breathe no more. I tossed the dead body aside stood up very slowly to see that Dave had already slaughtered a dozen or so ninjas and only 2 remained.
Blood dripped from Dave’s face and clothes, but I do not believe he was cut a single time. I could tell Dave was tired as he wiped the mixture of sweat and ninja blood from his forehead. The two remaining ninjas were trembling 15 feet away from Dave and it looked as though they would run away. Dave stole a glance in my direction and nodded his head towards the ceiling twice. I think it must have been mental telepathy, because I knew again exactly what he wanted me to do. I picked up the ugly santa doll and screamed, “Hey ninjas!!!” I then threw the doll as high as I could towards the ninjas. As their heads followed the motion of the disgusting ornament, Dave with catlike agility rushed towards them and killed them both before the santa even hit the ground.
Dave came over to me and gave me a pat on the back.
“You done good Austin,” he said, “But you must know that there are going to me more. There’s always more, but I’ll be ready. Always ready.”
After saying this Dave dropped the head ninja’s sword and walked into the sunset.
By: Austin Haywood
(Austin and I decided that instead of emailing each other about the random events that occur within the office walls, it will be much more fun to email stories that ones dreams of while at work… more will follow.)
