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Well today is the day before Christmas, I would like to call it Christmas Eve, however, as Noel informed me yesterday, it is not yet the “eve”. I must agree with him, and name this entry “Day Before Christmas”

Today I woke up and went to work. It was as exciting as watching the grass grow. It’s not that I don’t enjoy working, it has to do with the environment I am in, the people I am with, and the type of work I am doing. Keying in numbers into a database for four hours is not my idea of fun (Oh don’t worry, after lunch I got to make copies!). I don’t know what I would do if I was not aspiring to become a teacher, I can’t stand working in a cubicle listening to the sounds of typing hands and phone’s ringing to be answered: “Hello thank you for calling Focus Business Solutions how can I help you?” all day long. It also makes eating lunch one of the most exciting and depressing (at the same time mind you) times of the day. On one hand, it is lunch, the day is half over, and you get to take a break from typing. On the other hand, you find yourself swearing at the clock that just keeps ticking away your relaxing time, causing you to me more perplexed than ever, and not calm at all. It also means that once you are done, you must return to that cubicle and begin typing again, the phones begin to ring, and the murmer of the copier returns to your ears…

After work I went over to my Nana’s to provide her with a “Clean Sweep Nana Style”. We prepared her house entirely for Christmas Eve, and when I left she was calm and relaxed. When I was over there she asked me to give her a shot. She needed it very badly and she could not do it herself. My Grandaddy was up in bed, Austin gets woozy with the sight of blood, and the dog lacks opposable thumbs, which left me. It wasn’t that bad, I held her arm and she sqeezed it in, simple as that. I guess it made me realize that shots are not all that bad, (Yes I still am deathly afraid of them, but now I know where they stand in necessity) and in the choice between being miserable or being healthy/happy, I choose the shot.

I hurt Noel today, very badly, and I want him to know I am sorry beyond words. He will never know how much I care, it seems no matter what I do, I end up screwing everything up, I wish I didn’t.

I am up now because I can’t sleep. It is 3:00am. I keep promising myself I will go to bed earlier, but I never live up to it. But it is nice (in a strange, strange, comforting way…) that there is always some online from my buddy list. It makes me feel like I am not alone. I never talk to them, but I know they are actually up too because frequently they will post an away message (example: going to get a snack) and returning a couple minutes later. I watch them, it amuses me to know what people are doing at this hour, I often wonder if they watch me too.

If I don’t talk to you (whoever is reading this, including all the people I do not know personally, and my dearest friends) have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 24th, 2003 at 3:10 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.