stephaniehaywood.com

I have this awful feeling sometimes, i can’t explain it. i have talked about it with other people and they understand. after i talk to them i feel a little better. but then i think that people don’t care, and don’t listen to me. that makes no sense so i am stopping my thought here. i guess sometimes i feel lost in life, i don’t know what people think of me, i don’t know who i am sometimes, i sometimes feel i am too old. actually i feel that a lot. i feel like i am a little above some of the people i am around. i feel like things they are interested in are very imature and characteristic of their ages. but then look at me. look at my desktop and you see finding nemo, look above my bed and you see a disney princesses calendar. what movies did i bring to college, oh yes, shrek, nemo, harry potter, lion king, beauty and the beast, just to name a few. so that the begs the question how childish am i? i guess there is no real answer to that question. there never will be. maybe that is why i am going to become a elementary school teacher, so i don’t really have to grow up. but i am up. i can drink (in 2 months), smoke, rent any movie i want, but i don’t. i am beyond looking at other guys, which seems wrong, every typical 18 year old boy will always look at girls and admire them, but i don’t even care to look anymore. sometimes i feel there is something wrong with that. i have found the prefect person to be with, and i feel i am not good enough, i want to feel good enough, and not feel that i am lacking something special. and i have no reason to think that, no reason at all, but sometimes (well every time i make a mistake) i feel that way. we are watching jay leno now, but i don’t feel like laughing. i guess i only feel this way when i am away. i guess i don’t know…

This entry was posted on Monday, December 1st, 2003 at 11:51 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.