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Today is Christmas!

I wish everyone a very merry and happy one!

Well today is the day before Christmas, I would like to call it Christmas Eve, however, as Noel informed me yesterday, it is not yet the “eve”. I must agree with him, and name this entry “Day Before Christmas”

Today I woke up and went to work. It was as exciting as watching the grass grow. It’s not that I don’t enjoy working, it has to do with the environment I am in, the people I am with, and the type of work I am doing. Keying in numbers into a database for four hours is not my idea of fun (Oh don’t worry, after lunch I got to make copies!). I don’t know what I would do if I was not aspiring to become a teacher, I can’t stand working in a cubicle listening to the sounds of typing hands and phone’s ringing to be answered: “Hello thank you for calling Focus Business Solutions how can I help you?” all day long. It also makes eating lunch one of the most exciting and depressing (at the same time mind you) times of the day. On one hand, it is lunch, the day is half over, and you get to take a break from typing. On the other hand, you find yourself swearing at the clock that just keeps ticking away your relaxing time, causing you to me more perplexed than ever, and not calm at all. It also means that once you are done, you must return to that cubicle and begin typing again, the phones begin to ring, and the murmer of the copier returns to your ears…

After work I went over to my Nana’s to provide her with a “Clean Sweep Nana Style”. We prepared her house entirely for Christmas Eve, and when I left she was calm and relaxed. When I was over there she asked me to give her a shot. She needed it very badly and she could not do it herself. My Grandaddy was up in bed, Austin gets woozy with the sight of blood, and the dog lacks opposable thumbs, which left me. It wasn’t that bad, I held her arm and she sqeezed it in, simple as that. I guess it made me realize that shots are not all that bad, (Yes I still am deathly afraid of them, but now I know where they stand in necessity) and in the choice between being miserable or being healthy/happy, I choose the shot.

I hurt Noel today, very badly, and I want him to know I am sorry beyond words. He will never know how much I care, it seems no matter what I do, I end up screwing everything up, I wish I didn’t.

I am up now because I can’t sleep. It is 3:00am. I keep promising myself I will go to bed earlier, but I never live up to it. But it is nice (in a strange, strange, comforting way…) that there is always some online from my buddy list. It makes me feel like I am not alone. I never talk to them, but I know they are actually up too because frequently they will post an away message (example: going to get a snack) and returning a couple minutes later. I watch them, it amuses me to know what people are doing at this hour, I often wonder if they watch me too.

If I don’t talk to you (whoever is reading this, including all the people I do not know personally, and my dearest friends) have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Anyone who know’s me know’s very well that I call my brother (Austin) Oust. I can’t tell you how this originated, but I can say that it happened a while ago. So you can imagine my surprise and sheer delight when I saw the new Oust deoderizing spray advertised on TV. This image represents the hidden secret I share with my brother. I hope you enjoy, and without further ado, I give you Oust:

Stephanie: Hunny, stop eating your arm.

Noel: I am just trying to swallow it.

(Noel and I in San Fransico on Peir 39.)

I have been thinking a lot lately of the past, well I always think of the past, but I am not the type of person who lives in it, or dwells upon it. The following is a complation of the thoughts that have been traveling through my mind…

1. Today I learned my friend Geoff has come home for the holiday (he was overseas) and I often think of him. It’s strange, we were never the best of friends until our senior year in high school. I regret this more than a lot of things I did or didn’t do in that school, or in my childhood. I guess it’s just strange that there was never a time where I wasn’t with him. We were in the same classes all through elementary school, and we always sat next to each other. We hung around the same people at recess, he stepped on my dinosaur in sixth grade, he dated my friends, so on and so forth. Then we went to middle school and our lockers were three and two lockers apart both years. High school we had at least one class together every semester, and we always sat close. School wasn’t the only place I saw him either. He was a boyscout with my brothers, I would see him every week at least once at the meeting, and he would always say hi. I saw him EVERY halloween, which is strange if you think about it, because he lived in a different sub and on halloween looking for people is not your main goal. He has been to my house, I have been his. In high school I gave him a ride home everyday. Our friendship grew a lot that past year. We exchanged senior pictures and he asked me for every one of mine, and I still have all of his. After we graduated I saw him lots of places, before he went away. He was walking out of Tiffany’s, and I did a U-Turn to go see him, I have seen him at Borders with his girlfriend, and other places around where I live. Then I saw his picture up at Meijers (they have a board where they post all the men and women who have gone overseas), and I wanted to cry. It’s strange to me that I feel this way, and I have just now begun to analyze it. He has been a constant in my life. From first grade to now. I could always rely on seeing him. No matter who I was friends with, what I was doing, or where I was in my life, he was there, and now I am realizing he is not anymore. I guess I laugh at myself, because Geoff and I have alway’s joked that we “couldn’t wait to get out of school so we wouldn’t have to see each other anymore year after year”. Now I miss him, I miss seeing him in class, and in the hall, and around the town. I have his phone number memorized, even though I have never called it. 9886. I don’t know when I will see him again, although I know I will. Even though I don’t see him as much as I used to, I still know he’s there.

2. My brother Ousty and I have been talking a lot about the 80s. I miss the 80s very much. My favorite song for a while was 19 something by Mark Wills, just so I could hear about some of my past favorites. I miss the TV shows of the 80s. Gosh I lived for fridays when I would be able to make popcorn and watch TGIF. Family Matters was on at 8. That was the start of the night. The other shows changed occasionally, Step by Step, Dinosaurs (Not the Mama!), Perfect Strangers, and many others I will not list. I have caught a couple reruns of Saved by the Bell and it scares me that I still remember the episodes so well that I know what is going to happen next. I miss the cartoons. I miss smurfs, care bears, david the gnome, the polka dot door, captain planet (he’s our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero) gummy bears, chip and dale rescue rangers, jem and the holigrams, punky brewster, teenage mutant ninja turtles, animaniacs, tiny toons (I was always Elmira). Heck I even miss power rangers, but the original cast, when it first aired on TV, I was even a little against Tommy (white ranger) for a little while there. I mean think of the TV shows back then, to the tv shows now, my we have come a long way. Now everything is about sex, lies, drama, and stupid comedy (I am not bashing). If Alf was still running today, I can bet you a million dollars that someone on the show would have sex with him, and create a relationship by the seasons end (don’t forget that when the show has really gone bad, they will add a half-human-half-furry creature baby into the mix, which is face it, when you know the show has gone too far). My two dads, growing pains, cheers, family ties, all family oriented shows were popular. They have taken animals out of TV I have noticed, the cartoons at least. Now cartoons are people based, kid based, which is alright, but what happen to the turtles that mutated from green ooze (as explained best in TMNT 2 - The Secret of the Ooze), talking panda bears, tazmanian devils, muppet babies? They have removed imagination in a sense. I am done talking about TV, but if they start releasing TNMT on DVD soon, I am going to be the first one to buy a copy.

3. Last year Becky asked for a Skip-it. I bought her one, happy that I would get to experience my childhood toy again, and to my dismay my foot was too large to fit into the loop. I bought another. I remember my hot pink Skip-it, and the very best thing of all, there’s a counter on this ball, skip-it, skip-it… Anyway, I remember every girl at school had one, and for recess we would go outside and skip it until the bell rang.

4. Breadsticks. I don’t know what it was, but when the menu for lunch read breadstick day, it was like you got so giddy you could have peed yourself. Towards my senior year of high school I began to notice that they are really gross, but in elementary school they were the cat’s pajamas. Ironic.

5. I cut my cat today. Her hair, not her body. She looks funny. I did an awful, awful job. I love her though. This made me take notice that I cannot cut hair, which is a good thing to realize on a cat instead of on one of my friends. You should all be thankful for that.

6. I was excited to start my new job at my dad’s office a month ago. I was going to have my own desk, I had to dress in “proper work attire” which is translated as: not wearing any tight pants, my shoes have to be dressy shoes, and my shirts have to conceal (which I have nothing to conceal anyway) and look dressy, and I had to make sure that I looked nice. At previous jobs I would always show up how I wanted to, usually in jeans and some shirt, and not caring about my appearance and how I looked towards people, here, at this new job, I need to look nice. I feel all growed up.

7. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a teacher. From that point on, let’s say first grade, I never thought beyond “I am going to be a teacher”. I guess I never questioned my first grade self until now. I was forced to think about the “Why?”. I have discovered that teaching is now my passion, not only my want. I cannot wait to have my own classroom and my opportunity to be a teacher. I love kids and I could not imagine doing anything else with my life (except move to florida and work in Disneyland as one of the characters). I want to be able to get to know each and every student, and have the opportunity to make a difference in their life. I want to be a Mrs. Krusac (my favorite teacher) to a child. I have EDPS 322 to thank for this revelation. Katheen has opened a door for me, and I am ready to walk through it. I am excited more than ever, and that is what makes a person excellent at their job, being excited to do it. If I were unmotivated and unhappy, I could become a teacher for the wrong reasons. Even though I may be sad about growing up, I am extremely happy and excited at the same time.

8. Noel made a list of his top ten favorite songs of 2003. I want to do this too, it will be fun, but it is late, so I will write it in another entry. Why do I bother you with this useless info you ask? Simple, it is not for you, it is for me, my reminder.

9. I don’t think I spend as much time with my bunny Phoebe as I ought to.

10. Lip jobs are bad. Oh Kristin what were you thinking???

Hmm, my mind is a little emptier now, I have come to a point when I can’t think of anything to say, there is more, believe me, but not tonight. I am going to get in bed, but before I go I must add this: I am not going to reread this entry now, and therefore it could be riddled with misspellings and other tragic spellings errors, I do not care, and either should you. Good night. Sleep tight.

And never forget to do the dinosaur. Austin that means you, come on, “Everybody do the Dinosaur…”